Etiquette expert explains how to uninvite people from your wedding gracefully

After Bezos’ protest-filled Venice extravaganza and Charli XCX’s late-night Hackney nuptials, wedding season is truly underway. But research shows that a brutal new wedding trend is emerging: more couples are looking to cull their guest lists.

Based on Google data, searches for "how to uninvite from wedding" have increased by over 200% unjust the past week as wedding season continues. Meanwhile, there are over 9,000 searches per month for "who to invite to wedding".

So, is it coming from anti-social behaviour or are couples doing some last minute budgeting? Well, it may be part of a growing tendency towards ‘micro weddings’. Instead of a huge fanfare of extended family and friends, couples are opting for a more lowkey affair.

READ MORE: Charli XCX leads quiet wedding trend as Gen Z opt for smaller celebrations

Kim Deller, Concierge Executive at The Wedding Travel Company explains: “A micro wedding is a smaller scale wedding with typically around 20 to 30 guests. The guest lists often focus more on close family and friends, with many not offering a plus one option.”

She adds: “The increase in popularity of micro weddings is no surprise as people are continuing to find ways to make their celebrations more intimate. This is particularly popular with those having destination weddings, wanting to keep the guestlist small.”

How to uninvite someone from your wedding the polite way

There could be multiple reasons as to why you might want to retract an invite. Maybe two of your friends have had a messy breakup and refuse to be in the same room. Maybe you want to make your gathering a bit more intimate. Or maybe you’ve had some last-minute budgeting changes.

But, regardless of why, uninviting someone can be incredibly awkward. After all, there’s no beating around the bush: you are annexing them from one of the most celebratory moments of your life. Luckily, Gemma Logan, wedding etiquette expert at The Foxy Hen reveals how you can retract a wedding invite with grace.

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It all starts with how you deliver the news – and doing so over text is generally a no-no. Gemma says: “If you can, try to have the conversation in person or over the phone, keeping it personal and respectful.”

She adds: “Try not to use any words that could come across as confrontational or like you are blaming them. Phrases like ‘I wanted to speak with you directly because I really value our relationship and I need to share something important’ are good to use as they set a respectful tone and make the other person feel seen.”

Of course, it’s also important to be “honest but kind”. Gemma says that while it’s important to tell the truth, there’s no need to go into every detail about why. This is particularly true if you’re uninviting them over a falling out.

In this case, it’s probably best not to rehash every moment of the argument. Gemma suggests going in with a phrase like: “We’ve noticed some distance between us lately and, with everything going on, we feel it’s best to step back from extending the invitation.”

Meanwhile, if you’re uninviting them over a change in plans, Gemma suggests a diplomatic line: “Due to changes with the venue and our budget, we’ve had to make some tough decisions about the guest list, and unfortunately, we’re no longer able to accommodate everyone we’d originally hoped to invite.”

Gemma also emphasises that it’s not the time “to criticise or point fingers”. Instead, focus on your own circumstances – not their behaviour. To make this easier, she recommends opting for “I” statements, as these help keep the conversation neutral. She explains: “For example, ‘We’ve had to scale back more than we expected' keeps it about your plans, rather than implying they’ve done something wrong.”

Lastly, you need to be prepared for a reaction. “Even if you handle it perfectly, there may be hurt feelings,” Gemma says. “That’s human and natural for people to feel offended or upset. Be sure to give the other person space if they need it, and don’t try to force a positive response, you’ve done your part by being thoughtful and polite.”